Time keeps flying as usual and I haven't taken many pictures since coming back from vacation in Nebraska. Mr. Levi is getting along well and growing so fast! He is already starting to outgrow his 6 month outfits and I can't believe it! Our friends have an 8 month old who is so petite she's still in her 3 month stuff, and meanwhile Levi is 3 months and wearing 6-9 month stuff!
Lately he has been practicing rolling over (with my help) and he's getting better at it everyday. He doesn't care to be on his tummy much. He wants to be held and shown new things all the time. He loves to watch football (or at least the flashing lights of the TV) and today he grabbed onto his toes for the first time instead of just staring at them moving. His favorite toys are still the cow that hangs from his car seat and the lion that hangs from his bouncy chair. He will stare and laugh at them long enough for me to eat anyway. He's also grabbing the toys that hang from his activity gym mat and loves to hear them crunch and crackle with the matierial they're made of. He still won't let me set him in the swing though. Too boring for this little Einstein.
He is still eating all the time. It's about every 2 to 2 1/2 hours, but as long as he's healthy I don't mind feeding that often. Sleeping is still an issue as he can't sleep alone more than 25 minutes or so unless he's in the car or the stroller. He does well sleeping at night as long as he's in my bed, but if he doesn't have a warm body to bury his face into he can't stay asleep very long. Sometimes it is frustrating and exhausting but I try to remind myself to count my blessings and remember that he's only little for a short time.
I'll try to get some new pictures up by the next post.
What's new with me is not a whole lot other than loving being a mom. I went to a new mommies group last week and that was okay. It's nice to hear others are going through sleep issues. We had some weekend company all weekend and this weekend we're going to have a BBQ for our old Bible study group so that should be fun.
For now I'm off to bed!
Monday, January 21, 2008
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Levi's Baptism and some Christmas pics
We had lots of fun at home. These are just a few pictures from my mom's camera. Levi is turning into the best little boy! He has really improved in his temperament and he is such a joy! Not to mention he is THE CUTEST!
Life of the party on New Year's:
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Here is a picture from the baptism:
Cousin Emanuell and Levi at Christmas
Levi's already standing! ;)
Me and my little niece Mani:
Levi got a pony for Christmas:
Aaron and I show off Levi's camo hat:
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
Lost but not forgotten...
At this time a year ago Aaron and I suffered a tremendous loss. Our first child died at the tender age of about 7 weeks gestation. My arms ached to hold him or her, and while I only saw them in a tiny, indistinguishable ultrasound picture, I felt like I knew them. I just wanted to give a loving "shout out" for my child, and re-post a blog from my myspace page. I feel like more people should be aware. (My post will be in black, the blue I am just passing along:
Thursday, March 08, 2007
We Miscarried
"Some have a lifetime, some have a day, love isn't something that's measured that way" - Author Unknown.
We miscarried around Thanksgiving 2006 and I had surgery in early December. Our baby lived about seven weeks, but the loss will last our lifetimes. When our baby died, sooo many people said the WRONG things to me, and although we've healed a lot since our loss, I still feel like there needs to be a Public Service Announcement for everyone regarding pregnancy loss. Did you know 1 in 4 women will experience a pregnancy loss? It is about 1 in every 3 pregnancies. Think about that for a minute. Think about all the women in your life, and think about the following information next time you hear about this tragedy hitting someone you know…
When women experience the loss of a child, one of the first things they discover they have in common is a list of things they wish no one had ever said to them. The lists tend to be remarkably similar. When trying to help a woman who has lost a baby, the best rule of thumb is a matter of manners: don't offer your personal opinion of her life, her choices, her prospects for children. No woman is looking to poll her acquaintances for their opinions on why it happened or how she should cope.
Don't say, "It's God's Will." Even if we are members of the same congregation, unless you are a cleric and I am seeking your spiritual counselling, please don't presume to tell me what God wants for me. Besides, many terrible things are God's Will, that doesn't make them less terrible.
Don't say, "It was for the best - there was probably something wrong with your baby." The fact that something was wrong with the baby is what is making me so sad. My poor baby never had a chance. Please don't try to comfort me by pointing that out.
Don't say, "You can always have another one." This baby was never disposable. If had been given the choice between loosing this child or stabbing my eye out with a fork, I would have said, "Where's the fork?" I would have died for this baby, just as you would die for your children.
Don't say, "Be grateful for the children you have." If your mother died in a terrible wreck and you grieved, would that make you less grateful to have your father?
Don't say, "Thank God you lost the baby before you really loved it." I loved my son or daughter. Whether I lost the baby after two weeks of pregnancy or just after birth, I loved him or her.
Don't say, "Isn't it time you got over this and moved on?" It's not something I enjoy, being grief-stricken. I wish it had never happened. But it did and it's a part of me forever. The grief will ease on its own timeline, not mine - or yours.
Don't say, "Now you have an angel watching over you." I didn't want her to be my angel. I wanted her to bury me in my old age.
Don't say, "I understand how you feel." Unless you've lost a child, you really don't understand how I feel. And even if you have lost a child, everyone experiences grief differently. Don't tell me horror stories of your neighbour or cousin or mother who had it worse. The last thing I need to hear right now is that it is possible to have this happen six times, or that I could carry until two days before my due-date and labour 20 hours for a dead baby. These stories frighten and horrify me and leave me up at night weeping in despair. Even if they have a happy ending, do not share these stories with me.
Don't pretend it didn't happen and don't change the subject when I bring it up. If I say, "Before the baby died..." or "when I was pregnant..." don't get scared. If I'm talking about it, it means I want to. Let me. Pretending it didn't happen will only make me feel utterly alone.
Don't say, "It's not your fault." It may not have been my fault, but it was my responsibility and I failed. The fact that I never stood a chance of succeeding only makes me feel worse. This tiny little being depended upon me to bring him safely into the world and I couldn't do it. I was supposed to care for him for a lifetime, but I couldn't even give him a childhood. I am so angry at my body you just can't imagine.
Don't say, "Well, you weren't too sure about this baby, anyway." I already feel so guilty about ever having complained about morning sickness, or a child I wasn't prepared for, or another mouth to feed that we couldn't afford. I already fear that this baby died because I didn't take the vitamins, or drank too much coffee, or had alcohol in the first few weeks when I didn't know I was pregnant. I hate myself for any minute that I had reservations about this baby. Being unsure of my pregnancy isn't the same as wanting my child to die - I never would have chosen for this to happen.
Do say, "I am so sorry." That's enough. You don't need to be eloquent. Say it and mean it and it will matter.
Do say, "You're going to be wonderful parents some day," or "You're wonderful parents and that baby was lucky to have you." We both need to hear that.
Do say, "I have lit a candle for your baby," or "I have said a prayer for your baby."
Do send flowers or a kind note - every one I receive makes me feel as though my baby was loved. Don't resent it if I don't respond. Don't call more than once and don't be angry if the machine is on and I don't return your call. If we're close friends and I am not responding to your attempts to help me, please don't resent that, either. Help me by not needing anything from me for a while.
If you're my boss or my co-worker: Do recognize that I have suffered a death in my family - not a medical condition. Do recognize that in addition to the physical after effects I may experience, I'm going to be grieving for quite some time. Please treat me as you would any person who has endured the tragic death of a loved one - I need time and space. If your niece is pregnant, or your daughter just had a baby, please don't share that with me right now. It's not that I can't be happy for anyone else, it's that every smiling, cooing baby, every glowing new mother makes me ache so deep in my heart I can barely stand it. I may look okay to you, but there's a good chance that I'm still crying every day. It may be weeks before I can go a whole hour without thinking about it. You'll know when I'm ready - I'll be the one to say, "Did your daughter have her baby?" or, "How is that precious little boy of yours? I haven't seen him around the office in a while."
Above all, please remember that this is the worst thing that ever happened to me. The word "miscarriage" is small and easy. But my baby's death is monolithic and awful. It's going to take me a while to figure out how to live with it. Bear with me. -Author Unknown
Thursday, March 08, 2007
We Miscarried
"Some have a lifetime, some have a day, love isn't something that's measured that way" - Author Unknown.
We miscarried around Thanksgiving 2006 and I had surgery in early December. Our baby lived about seven weeks, but the loss will last our lifetimes. When our baby died, sooo many people said the WRONG things to me, and although we've healed a lot since our loss, I still feel like there needs to be a Public Service Announcement for everyone regarding pregnancy loss. Did you know 1 in 4 women will experience a pregnancy loss? It is about 1 in every 3 pregnancies. Think about that for a minute. Think about all the women in your life, and think about the following information next time you hear about this tragedy hitting someone you know…
When women experience the loss of a child, one of the first things they discover they have in common is a list of things they wish no one had ever said to them. The lists tend to be remarkably similar. When trying to help a woman who has lost a baby, the best rule of thumb is a matter of manners: don't offer your personal opinion of her life, her choices, her prospects for children. No woman is looking to poll her acquaintances for their opinions on why it happened or how she should cope.
Don't say, "It's God's Will." Even if we are members of the same congregation, unless you are a cleric and I am seeking your spiritual counselling, please don't presume to tell me what God wants for me. Besides, many terrible things are God's Will, that doesn't make them less terrible.
Don't say, "It was for the best - there was probably something wrong with your baby." The fact that something was wrong with the baby is what is making me so sad. My poor baby never had a chance. Please don't try to comfort me by pointing that out.
Don't say, "You can always have another one." This baby was never disposable. If had been given the choice between loosing this child or stabbing my eye out with a fork, I would have said, "Where's the fork?" I would have died for this baby, just as you would die for your children.
Don't say, "Be grateful for the children you have." If your mother died in a terrible wreck and you grieved, would that make you less grateful to have your father?
Don't say, "Thank God you lost the baby before you really loved it." I loved my son or daughter. Whether I lost the baby after two weeks of pregnancy or just after birth, I loved him or her.
Don't say, "Isn't it time you got over this and moved on?" It's not something I enjoy, being grief-stricken. I wish it had never happened. But it did and it's a part of me forever. The grief will ease on its own timeline, not mine - or yours.
Don't say, "Now you have an angel watching over you." I didn't want her to be my angel. I wanted her to bury me in my old age.
Don't say, "I understand how you feel." Unless you've lost a child, you really don't understand how I feel. And even if you have lost a child, everyone experiences grief differently. Don't tell me horror stories of your neighbour or cousin or mother who had it worse. The last thing I need to hear right now is that it is possible to have this happen six times, or that I could carry until two days before my due-date and labour 20 hours for a dead baby. These stories frighten and horrify me and leave me up at night weeping in despair. Even if they have a happy ending, do not share these stories with me.
Don't pretend it didn't happen and don't change the subject when I bring it up. If I say, "Before the baby died..." or "when I was pregnant..." don't get scared. If I'm talking about it, it means I want to. Let me. Pretending it didn't happen will only make me feel utterly alone.
Don't say, "It's not your fault." It may not have been my fault, but it was my responsibility and I failed. The fact that I never stood a chance of succeeding only makes me feel worse. This tiny little being depended upon me to bring him safely into the world and I couldn't do it. I was supposed to care for him for a lifetime, but I couldn't even give him a childhood. I am so angry at my body you just can't imagine.
Don't say, "Well, you weren't too sure about this baby, anyway." I already feel so guilty about ever having complained about morning sickness, or a child I wasn't prepared for, or another mouth to feed that we couldn't afford. I already fear that this baby died because I didn't take the vitamins, or drank too much coffee, or had alcohol in the first few weeks when I didn't know I was pregnant. I hate myself for any minute that I had reservations about this baby. Being unsure of my pregnancy isn't the same as wanting my child to die - I never would have chosen for this to happen.
Do say, "I am so sorry." That's enough. You don't need to be eloquent. Say it and mean it and it will matter.
Do say, "You're going to be wonderful parents some day," or "You're wonderful parents and that baby was lucky to have you." We both need to hear that.
Do say, "I have lit a candle for your baby," or "I have said a prayer for your baby."
Do send flowers or a kind note - every one I receive makes me feel as though my baby was loved. Don't resent it if I don't respond. Don't call more than once and don't be angry if the machine is on and I don't return your call. If we're close friends and I am not responding to your attempts to help me, please don't resent that, either. Help me by not needing anything from me for a while.
If you're my boss or my co-worker: Do recognize that I have suffered a death in my family - not a medical condition. Do recognize that in addition to the physical after effects I may experience, I'm going to be grieving for quite some time. Please treat me as you would any person who has endured the tragic death of a loved one - I need time and space. If your niece is pregnant, or your daughter just had a baby, please don't share that with me right now. It's not that I can't be happy for anyone else, it's that every smiling, cooing baby, every glowing new mother makes me ache so deep in my heart I can barely stand it. I may look okay to you, but there's a good chance that I'm still crying every day. It may be weeks before I can go a whole hour without thinking about it. You'll know when I'm ready - I'll be the one to say, "Did your daughter have her baby?" or, "How is that precious little boy of yours? I haven't seen him around the office in a while."
Above all, please remember that this is the worst thing that ever happened to me. The word "miscarriage" is small and easy. But my baby's death is monolithic and awful. It's going to take me a while to figure out how to live with it. Bear with me. -Author Unknown
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Levi's Latest:
Levi had a good time at his first Thanksgiving. We were invited to a friend's house and we took the bouncy chair along to sit him in during the big dinner. He actually slept in it during dinner so it was a nice peaceful meal where Aaron and I could eat a hot meal at the same time. :) Actually, he is getting a little better now. I think the last post embarrassed him a little because he seems to maybe be turning a corner lately. Last night he slept for FIVE hours straight! It was wonderful, but at the same time, I was still wishing for a lot more sleep after waking up at 3:30 am. Fortunately he did sleep another hour to hour-and-a-half a couple more times after that, so all in all we probably got 7 hours of sleep. He is also going a little farther between feedings now, and as long as you keep your foot bouncing his vibrating chair he'll sit and look around for a bit before pitching a little fit. Slowly but surely he's getting better! Here are some of his latest pics...
Having fun in the bouncy chair...
Having fun in the bouncy chair...
Wondering who the next Husker coach will be...
Smiles on the changing table:
"Thanks for the clean diaper, Mom"!
Daddy always gets the smiles...
Smiles on the changing table:
"Thanks for the clean diaper, Mom"!
Daddy always gets the smiles...
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Six Weeks Old
It's hard to believe my little guy is six weeks old already. So far he's a pretty high-maintinance boy. He needs to be held almost all the time, and as soon as I try to lay him down he wakes up and starts squawking all over again. He doesn't want to be in his swing, sling, or bouncy chair. He wants a warm body All The Time. He also doesn't sleep well. (I know, newborns don't sleep well, But...) Even for a newborn he is an exceptionally poor sleeper, with poor eating habits. This guy needs to eat every hour to two hours around the clock. I couldn't believe it when I read he should be sleeping 15 out of 24 hours. He's not even close to that! Can you imagine how exhausted I am? I am actually typing this over his body since he's of course chowing down. I really hope he gets better as he gets a bit older. I'm doing the best job I can possibly do for him though, and I'm proud of myself for that. He sure is loved!
He sure is a cute little guy, huh? Here he is now at six weeks old:
He sure is a cute little guy, huh? Here he is now at six weeks old:
Monday, November 5, 2007
My little boy is getting so big!
Levi went back to the pediatrician today for his one month check up. I can hardly believe he's already a month old. The last four weeks have been both the longest and shortest of my life at the same time.
He was born at 8lbs 7 1/2 ounces and at 20 1/2 inches long. Now four weeks later he's already at 10lbs 4oz, and 22 inches long! I guess his constant nursing has been doing him some good! I knew he was getting bigger because he's outgrown all his newborn clothes and he's into his 0-3 month stuff now. I'm sure it won't be long til he's too big for those too! He graduated to size one diapers for sure now.
While he was at the doctor's today he got a shot. I cried more than he did!!! I never thought it would be so hard to watch my baby cry, (that's what babies do, right?) but like everyone says, it SURE is different when it's your own child. I dread our appointment next month when he gets four shots in the same day! Oh heaven help me!
He was born at 8lbs 7 1/2 ounces and at 20 1/2 inches long. Now four weeks later he's already at 10lbs 4oz, and 22 inches long! I guess his constant nursing has been doing him some good! I knew he was getting bigger because he's outgrown all his newborn clothes and he's into his 0-3 month stuff now. I'm sure it won't be long til he's too big for those too! He graduated to size one diapers for sure now.
While he was at the doctor's today he got a shot. I cried more than he did!!! I never thought it would be so hard to watch my baby cry, (that's what babies do, right?) but like everyone says, it SURE is different when it's your own child. I dread our appointment next month when he gets four shots in the same day! Oh heaven help me!
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